Louise Cowell,
High Cost Family Operations Manager
& Site Lead
“By the end of the conversation, everything changed.”
Strong stakeholder relationships are rarely built on process alone. They are built on understanding, trust, and a willingness to explore what sits beneath the surface. One of the most impactful tools I’ve applied from the leadership programme was the use of powerful questions to reset and rebuild a relationship with an external stakeholder.
The Context: A Relationship Under Strain
The relationship in question had never fully established itself on solid ground. While it hadn’t broken down entirely, it was beginning to show cracks, and those cracks were starting to affect operational delivery. Misalignment, frustration, and unspoken assumptions were creating tension that, left unaddressed, would have continued to erode performance.
The purpose of the conversation was clear: rebuild the relationship before the strain translated into lasting operational impact.
The Approach: Moving Beyond Surface-Level Dialogue
Drawing on the powerful questions framework from the leadership programme, I shifted away from transactional discussion and instead focused on exploration and understanding.
I asked questions about:
- The current situation and how we had reached this point.
- What factors had contributed to the challenges.
- What might have been avoided and how.
- The stakeholder’s broader challenges and organisational pressures.
- The deeper blockers they were facing, beyond day-to-day operational issues.
Some of these questions were uncomfortable. At times, the room fell silent. But rather than rushing to fill those silences, I allowed space for reflection. Those pauses became pivotal moments — they created room for honesty.
The Response: From Awkwardness to Clarity
Initially, there were awkward silences and visible hesitation. That was telling in itself. It signalled that the conversation had moved into territory that hadn’t previously been explored.
As we continued, the dialogue shifted. What emerged was not blame, but clarity. We uncovered misunderstandings, competing pressures, and cultural nuances within the stakeholder’s organisation that had not previously been fully appreciated.
By asking open, thoughtful questions and approaching the discussion with empathy rather than defensiveness we were able to get to the heart of the issue.
The Impact: A Flourishing Partnership
By the end of the conversation, there was a shared realisation: we had never needed to be in that negative place to begin with.
The relationship changed noticeably after that meeting. Communication improved. Assumptions were reduced. There was greater transparency around challenges on both sides.
Most importantly, this shift translated directly into improved operational performance. Joint delivery strengthened, issues were resolved more quickly, and collaboration became proactive rather than reactive.
Key Learning: Empathy Unlocks Insight
The experience reinforced a critical leadership insight: powerful questions are not about interrogation; they are about curiosity. When paired with empathy, they allow you to see the environment the other person is operating in.
Understanding the culture and constraints of the external stakeholder helped me adapt my approach in future interactions. Rather than pushing for outcomes in a way that might unintentionally create friction, I was able to tailor communication to generate more positive and productive engagement.
Conclusion
Relationships rarely deteriorate because of one single issue; they often weaken due to unspoken assumptions and unexamined pressures. Powerful questions create space to surface these factors.
By choosing curiosity over control and empathy over assumption, it is possible not only to repair a strained stakeholder relationship, but to transform it into a high-performing partnership.